Dirty Jokes

[Otis]

An alien and a man were sitting next to each other in a bar. The alien was constantly poking the guy's cheek and saying, "zzzt!" Finally, the guy got so mad at the alien that he said, "If you do that one more time, I'll chop your penis off!''
Again, the alien poked his cheek and said, "zzzt!"

The guy said, "Okay, that's it!" He got up, grabbed the sharpest knife he could find, and pulled down the alien's pants. But he was astounded to see nothing there.

He then said, "Well, if you don't have a penis, how do you have sex?"

The alien just smiled, poked the guy's cheek, and said "zzzt!"

<p><img border="0" src="http://adopt.longislandanimals.com/images/otis2.gif" width="125" height="108"></p>


Otis
<B><I></I></B>

[William One Sac]

LOL! Very original!

[agentmoulder254]

Events of my reaction:

Reading joke
Reading once more
Trying to understand something I missed
Loud gasp followed by laughter

[William One Sac]

Thats a great gif! Did you use photoshop to make that?

[Otis]

Greetings Mr. One Sac . The gif was not created with Photo Shop. However, the image was created in a progam the name of which is Fireworks.

<p><img border="0" src="http://adopt.longislandanimals.com/images/otis2.gif" width="125" height="108"></p>

Best Regards,
Otis

[David87]

I got the joke first time, and ewww.

[:D Smilee :D]

Very eeeewwwww!- but it was a good joke!

[agentmoulder254]

I got a joke

An old man and an old lady are in a home, the old man says "Today's my birthday can you guess how old I am?"
The lady says "Sure, stand up and pull down your pants," so she reaches down and starts feeling around his "double hackysack."
So she says "Your eighty-nine."
And the old man says, "How did you know?"
The lady says "You told me yesterday"
-Ralphie May

[William One Sac]

A g e n t M u l d e r......



That was disgusting!

<IMG SRC="http://www.sla.purdue.edu/academic/fll/JapanProj/FLClipart/Medical/nausea1.gif">


LOL Just kidding.


Ok, wait I will go get a joke and come back.

[William One Sac]

Top 10 Signs That Your Son Has Grown Too Old For Breast Feeding


10. He can open your blouse by himself.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to Dueling Banjos.
1. Beard abrasions on areola.

[agentmoulder254]

Dude, your talking about your mom! GROSS!

[:D Smilee :D]

#3 is gross!

I think subtopic should be renamed 'dirty jokes' :P :)

[agentmoulder254]

Voila!

[:D Smilee :D]

:) yay
Heres a dirty joke of my own,ready?
are you sure you can handle it?
Its really dirty...
okay, here it is:

Once, there was a clean cat.
Then, the cat jumped in the mud.
(get it, dirty, mud, hehehe. A HA HA HAAAA)
*slaps knee hard, knee now hurts, fall off chair laughing at own joke and crying for knee at same time*

[David87]

Ehhhh...... no offence, but you people have problems.

[:D Smilee :D]

well, I don't know about anyone else, but I think that its funner being weird then normal ;-)

[agentmoulder254]

<QUOTE><I>Originally posted by :D Smilee :D</I>
well, I don't know about anyone else, but I think that its funner being weird then normal ;-)</QUOTE>

definitely

[William One Sac]

Aye commander! Arm the photon torpedoes. This entire forum now belongs in small talk. sigh.

[:D Smilee :D]

a ha David87, WOS agrees with me :D

[TheOtaku]

What me, problems? Oh wait did I take my meds yet...

[:D Smilee :D]

I used to take flintstone and shamu vitamens when I was like 5.
I hate the orange ones:P

[agentmoulder254]

mmm...barney rubble

p.s. id rather keep this off topic

[:D Smilee :D]

Meaning :
1. You want this to be a section about nothing important?
or
2. You want to get back on topic?

[agentmoulder254]

Well it was never about anything important anyway.

[:D Smilee :D]

Okay, so we'll just talk about anything...

(agent m. /JTS (WOS) , if this is too dirty or anything, I'll delete it)

Well, I have a dirty joke:
There is this <I> little </I> kid, and its his/her birthday. The kid goes up to his/her mom and says "mommy, can i take a shower with you?" The mom says, "well, only because its your birthday." In the shower the kid goes "mommy whats that?" The mom gets nervous and says "thats a bush" and turns away quickly. Later, the kid goes up to the dad and says "daddy, can I take a shower with you?" The dad says "well, only because its your birthday." In the shower, the kid goes "daddy whats that?" The dad gets nervous and says "thats a snake" and turns away quickly. Later that night, the kid goes to his parents and says "can I sleep in your bed?" the parents say, "ok, but you have to keep your eyes shut." So that night, the kid opens his/her eyes and shouts "mommy, watch out, daddys snake is crawling into your bush"

[agentmoulder254]

It's not anything dirtier than Willie or John or whatever the freak you want to be called's joke.

[William One Sac]

<QUOTE><I>Originally posted by agentmoulder254</I>
It's not anything dirtier than Willie or John or whatever the freak you want to be called's joke.</QUOTE>

Willie is freaking fine, agent M.

[FmX Girl]

heres a good one i found to be "unique"


One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replys. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

[agentmoulder254]

Ok, now that were one the topic of teacher jokes, here's one for you:

A female college professor is teaching her kids, and says "You better not miss Tuesday's test at ALL COSTS, I don't care if you have a massive blood loss, your still taking the test." So a smart-ass kid says, "What if we're tired from sexual exhaustion?" The teacher responds "Well, than you'll just have to write with your other hand.

[FmX Girl]

HAHA i like that one, i have to say that one beats my joke, hehe